Dedicated to: Yocelin and Adrian
Introduction.
People don’t like to acknowledge their truth. They fear it and run from it as much as they can, but if they just stopped to pay attention to it, they could’ve discovered a way to use it to their benefit.
The reality behind our existence and our movement; the modus operandi of how any transformation has to occur. The knowledge that we can grow from our weakness; that we can accept ourselves while also striving for something better.
The way to create expansion from limitation.
The need to acknowledge our nature.
Limitation is a word that people often dislike; it is seen as an insult, even when you say it to yourself. Rather than experiencing reality we seem to be in a relentless hurry to escape from ourselves; we are willing to do many crazy things to avoid the recognition of our finitude… drugs, alcohol, distractions, memories…
Nonetheless, in our everyday lives it is important to acknowledge them, otherwise we procrastinate and live on autopilot. Running from our limitations does not work, there are few things that can work effectively with refusal and lies.
Limitation isn’t even a bad thing, it is a characteristic of nature itself. Without limitation there is also no definition and without definition nothing can exist. And you, as a human being, are part of it too; you are also limited. This doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you exist.
Our physical nature requires it, but beyond the obviously shallow fact that we need it to exist, limitation also provides us with everything necessary to move forward; to see a glimpse of what lies beyond; of heaven.
And it does this by showing everything that isn’t. As there can’t both be something that is and isn’t at the same time, when we determine an intention, an aim, the world becomes much more contrasted, as we are able to temporarily reject everything that isn’t pertinent to our aim.
The more precise your aim the more rejection there is, and while rejection is another word highly disliked, it provides the clarity necessary to take decisions effectively.
Falsification is a faster and more reliable process than trying to discover the ultimate truth. Knowing what is not is easier, to know what it is.
If I ask you everything that you aren’t you will find plenty of answers, but if I ask you who you are you will realize how the question gets much trickier. To improve, we need to work from our limitations because they give us the foundation to which we can build the bridge to reach our aim, and as you can probably have guessed it, the more precise the definition of our limitations the more robust the foundation of our efforts.
Nonetheless, either trying to define an aim or a foundation without the awareness of who we are is impossible. While people fear to articulate out loud what their deficiencies are —both because of their embarrassment and their fear of falling into the temptation of victimhood— without them we are prone to the temptation of ambiguity.
As I previously said, without definition something cannot exist, therefore, if we don’t define something we deny its existence. The temptation of ambiguity is nothing but deliberately keeping things vague so that we cannot possibly blame ourselves for our immobility; it is putting the dust under the rug; it is deception; it is negligence. But most important of all, is cowardice.
To avoid these temptations and define ourselves we need to be humble, and to do so we first need to be courageous because “humbleness” without courage is just victimization. Acknowledging our mistakes without a desire and doing the actions necessary to change them is just a cheap and deceitful scream for sympathy.
We need to face all that is wrong or could be improved about us. Staying as we are means to abandon all the things that we could create, the persons we could help and the experiences we could have.
This doesn’t mean you have to be the stereotype of success, you might just want to be the best you there is. Contrary to the popular opinion, I don’t think that you should marry a version of yourself to keep it for life, I rather believe in accepting yourself as a complete being while simultaneously moving towards whatever you desire.
Don’t be fooled by the false self-acceptance promoted in our modern times. People who truly love themselves try to care for them as much as possible, even when that care is uncomfortable.
How to work with our limitations.
Acknowledging your limitations, while extremely difficult, is only the first step. Once we surpass the first traps —the temptations of ambiguity and victimization— we need to progress by using our limited selfs in conjunction with limited —let’s say concrete— tools and processes.
Now, you accept that you are limited, but how, exactly? First, unless you are completely well, happy, secure and fulfilled you still have the opportunity to grow. The more imperfect you are the greater the potential of growing in any direction, so let’s start by defining your aim.
Your aim is where you are trying to land; it is a declaration of intention. To choose it I find the approach of Jordan Peterson particularly useful.
“What’s one thing I’m doing wrong, that I know I’m doing wrong? That I could fix. That I would fix.”
Once you have at least a vague idea of what you want you have to create a process in which you can slowly but surely come closer to your aim. To do so you need to work from who you currently are, not from the person you wish you would be.
In other words, this means that you don’t just one day start doing what you think your desired being does, but rather work slowly and progressively from your actual capacities.
How do you know precisely what your capacities are? You try it and see how it feels: in the beginning the process —or habit or action— should be so effortless that it might feel like you are doing nothing. A good rule of thumb is that it should take less than 2 minutes.
Once you have done so, you start to slowly increment the intensity —of focus, energy or commitment— or the time —I like increasing 1 to 10 minutes each day. You should have patience, as going too fast may feel rewarding, but it will eventually overwhelm you and force you to step back and rest until you can do it again.
But if you are one crazy bastard —just like me— you have the possibility of going ultra ONLY if you commit to consistency above everything else. This means that if today you achieved 250% of your normal performance, tomorrow you still try, even if all you can do is just 10%.
Remember that everyday is not the only form of consistency. Pick any amount of days in each week —it might also be appropriate to do it monthly or yearly— and adjust properly according to new information, advice and experience.
As you improve, raise the challenge but also raise the support you give to your aim. If you read then look for ways of enhancing silence; if you workout look for proper nutrition; if you are building a business look for practical advice to improve it.
Finally, make sure to track your progress and reward yourself regularly. Find something that pleases you but that doesn’t interfere with your goals —such as eating a Donut while you are trying to lose weight. Make sure to enjoy it, as things get harder you can rely on those memories to keep going.
How to deal with your emotions.
The previous process —which I like to view as “limitations as a means of expansion”— can work in any area you like and it will work wonders, nonetheless it is important to note that a journey to our aim is not a straight line, but a quest with side lines, distractions and setbacks.
Any person who has attempted to accomplish something knows that a plan that only works when everything goes fine is not a plan, but a fantasy. While it might sound pessimistic, it is important to prepare for challenges that we are certain—or very confident— to come.
Probably the greatest—and certain—challenges will be the handling of your emotions. Even when we go slow it is easy to grow impatient, doubtful, exhausted or fearful in our journey, we cannot help it, we will feel like that someday.
It isn’t a bad thing to feel them. What is dangerous is the growing obsession about their meaning or significance. Unless your feelings are highly consistent, potent or occur nearly always after our grinding, you shouldn’t stop.
Remember that our feelings help us organize our thoughts, but their presence isn’t straightforward. Feeling bitter at our activity may mean many things ranging from bad sleep, stress, dehydration or hunger.
Before assuming you are doing something wrong, check yourself physically. See if there is something that you might have been neglecting and the possibility of it being part of the distress.
Then check your life. Are your relationships going well? Do you have resentment? It has been a stressful event recently? Is something you need to solve urgently?
The use of a journal is wonderful for this. Off-loading our feelings and thoughts allows us to better appreciate the facts and connect the dots. A similar effect can be caused by genuine conversations —those that allow free expression, respect and care for both parts.
If there is something that might be causing an unbearable amount of tension in your life, aim, strategize and execute a solution for it. Focus on dealing with the roots of the problem and remember that you went there to solve something, not to get distracted. It’s fine to explore and discover, but unless we use that information we are just procrastinating.
To help calm your mind and acquire perspective on sharp emotions you can recur to meditation, walking or exercise. It doesn’t really matter which one you choose, but only that you enjoy it and can stick to it.
Finally, if all your reflection, research and experiments have been proven unsuccessful then you might want to check your aim and see if it is still appropriate. You might find that what you thought you wanted wasn’t really so or that there is something you need to renunciate in order to keep going.
The final answer is in your hands, nonetheless don’t underestimate the lessons that a bit of reading or advice could provide to you. Be brave and trust both your conscience and your intuition.
If they are in conflict, throw a coin and pay attention to which outcome does your subconscious yearn for. If that isn’t clear either, choose the outcome that is on the winning side of the coin.
Don’t overthink or fall into the trap of passivity. It is much better to learn from our experiences than waiting for the correct answer. Trying to force the truth to appear into us will only cause anxiety, delusion, disappointment and doubt.
Don’t assume you will ever have all the information you need to take the correct answer. Everything is uncertain. Recognize your limited capacity of foresight and just move on.
You have already thought enough. Even if you mistake the amount of wisdom you acquired is worth their weight in gold.
Conclusion.
You might be wondering, why take all this trouble instead of just giving up? That’s because people have been and are still looking for the secret that is going to make their lives take purpose and finally achieve the goals they have always dreamed of, without stopping to think that there may not be a secret after all.
I might be wrong, but I believe that both Siddhartha —the allegorical character of the writer Herman Hesse— and Socrates knew that when they committed to a life of eternal seeking… The ultimate wisdom of all; that we do not know nothing and there is always something else to discover.
And the only way to truly understand, to apprehend the truth into our soul and connecting to reality is not by reading all the books in the world or by thinking all the time, but by being willing to seek the answer; to aim with the idea of our finitude in our heads, to act with humbleness, to pay infinite attention and care, just as it would appear that we have all the eternity to enjoy it.
I think this —our reality— is all there is… and I love it.
Without anything else to say, goodbye!
Photo by Calvin Ma on Unsplash
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